Green caurs is ra wey tae ra future

0
670

The electric caur huz came a lang wey since ra days ae Sir Clive Sinclair an ra wee Sinclair C5.  Toutit at ra time as ra future in motorin, hit died a death.  But technology disnae stey stull, an times chynges.  Noo a new electric caur huz jist been pit oot oantae ra mercat.  Unlike ra auld Sinclair C5, at tae monie fowk wisnae nuhin mair ‘an a glorified weans bogie, these yins is proper motors.

The Nissan Leaf is the furst ae a new variety ae electric caur tae be sellt tae ra public.  Models ae ra motor huz went oan sale at Nissan dealerships aw err ra country fae yisterday.  Wi newly designed battries at kin stey cherged fur much langer ‘en aulder models.  Fuhlly cherged, ra Nissan Leaf kin dae a hunner an ten mile, coastin jist twa quid oan yer electric.  Compare this tae petrol motors, at avreeges a petrol coast ae twelve punn furra same distance.  Maist estimates reckons at the avreege motorist wull kin save mair ‘an £1,500 a year in drivin coasts.

Wi a price tag ae ower thertie grand, the Nissan Leaf isnae cheap an huz the same price as some luxury caurs at’s a loat bigger.  Ye kin git 5 thoosan aff the price hanks tae a governament grant but.  Rinnin coasts is lower an aw, ther nae road tax oan ra vehicles, thae’r exemp fae congestion cherges in thae cities at huz thaim, an a course ther nae need tae pey ra petrol duty.  If the motor is yaised as a compny caur, the compny disnae huv tae pey national insurance oan hit, and hit disnae coont as a taxable ‘benefit in kind’.

Baith ra Scotteesh an ra UK goverment is dead keen tae promote ra yiss ae electric caurs.  An advisry boadie tae the UK goverment oan climate chynge, the Committee on Climate Change, hinks at the country’s gaunnie need mair ‘an a mullion an a hauf ae thaim oan the roads bi the year 2020 if the UK is tae staun a snawbaw’s chance in hell ae meetin hits tergets fur carbon emission reduction.

Ra noo, the Nissan Leaf is stull ra only electric caur ye kin buy at a dealership lik a normal motor.  Ther urrayins an aw but, but thae’r stull no available tae ordnary punters an is jist yaised bi compnies at rins thair ain fleet ae motors.  Urrayins is ra Mitsubishi i-MiEV orra Citroën C-Zero amangst urras.  These compnies an urras huz plans tae bring thair ain motors oot oantae ra general mercat in ra near future.

An if ye fancy somehin a bit mair special, ye kin splash oot on Porsche’s new hybrid petrol-electric motor, ra limitit edition Porsche 918.  Hit kin dae 98 mile tae ra gallon, huz jist 70g/km emissions ae CO2 (normal motors huz aboot twyst that amoont or mair), an kin dae 0-60 mph in 3 seconds wi a tap speed ae 199 mile an hour.  Ther jist ra wan wee problem but, ye’r gaunnie need deep poakits kis hit’s bein sellt oan ra European mercat fur €645,000.  

Last year, Nissan annouced hit was plannin tae stert producin the new electric motors at hits Sunderland plant.  Ra compnie hinks at wi increased production an wider availability ra price ae ra caurs tae ra punters wull come doon.  Awra motors bein sellt the noo is importit fae Japan, but efter 2013 thaim at’s sellt in Europe wull aw come fae the Sunderland plant.  We’r gaunnie see a loat mair ae thaim oan wur roads in ra years tae come.

An investigation kerrit oot bi ra Green Caur Website huz funn oot at the insurance compnies stull isnae prepared fur the green revolution.  Whin ye log oantae the websites ae the insurance compnies fur tae git a quote ye’ll stull git ast if yer caur is deisel or petrol in the wee tick boaxes, ther nae oaption fur thaim at’s goat electric motors but.

Hit’s no jist that but, the different insurance compnies gies ye hunners ae different quotes fur the same motor an aw.  Ther nae standardisation ae prices or nuhin.  The report funn oot at the insurance compnies stull huznae worked oot a wey ae assessin kivver oan these new motors. Gaun tae the website ae the wan compny wi an thae gie ye wan quote, but gaun tae the website ae anurrayin wi the exack same details an ye’ll mibbie git a quote at’s three or fower times mair.  Ther nae logic tae hit.  So if onie ae yese diz huv wan ae thae new fankilt green motors, yese ar best tae shoap aroon.

Wurds ye mibbie no ken

ra – the

urra – other

err – over

bogie – child’s cart

hink – think

hanks – thanks

gaun – to go, gone, going

punter – ordinary person, member of the public

A note on Scots spelling: This piece is in Glasgow/North Lanarkshire dialect.  It’s spelled ‘phonetically’ according to the most widespread practice when writing this dialect nowadays.  This variety of West Central Scots contains influence from Irish and Highland English not found in other dialects, and is in general more influenced by Standard English.  Despite its closeness to English amongst Scots dialects (or perhaps because of it) modern West Central Scots is probably one of the most strongly stigmatised dialects, provoking the greatest negative responses.  English speakers think it’s ‘neddish’, some Scots speakers think it’s ‘bad Scots’.  In fact it’s neither.  It’s a perfectly decent variety of Scots in its own right.

The most distinctive features of this dialect include the reduction of ‘th’ as in then to ‘r’ or similar sounds (sometimes it’s lost entirely), and the reduction of ‘th’ as in think to ‘h’ in some words.  Other characteristics include widespread use of the glottal stop (not represented in the spelling because it’s predictable) for -t at the end of words and between vowels under certain conditions, and the change of -l at the end of words and before consonants into an ‘oo’ type sound.  

All these features are strongly stigmatised and many feel them to be lazy or careless pronounciations.  In fact like features of any accent of any language, their occurrence is determined by a strictly defined and precise set of phonological rules.  In the case of Glaswegian, these rules happen to be rather complex and extremely precise indeed.  They’re very technical, so I won’t detail them here.  You may choose to dislike these pronunciations for aesthetic or stylistic reasons, but you can’t say they’re slovenly or lazy.