Rival indy campaigns agree to charity football match


The referendum debate is to be used in order to benefit charity, after both sides agreed to stage a football match in order to raise funds for good causes.
In a surprise joint statement, pro-Union campaign group Better Together and their rivals at Yes Scotland have announced they will play a football match this summer.

The announcement will see politicians and celebrities line up for their chosen side in an event that is sure to generate considerable interest.

Commenting on behalf of Better Together, a spokesperson said the challenge match was an ideal opportunity to take the heat out of a debate that has become increasingly acrimonious.

“There’s a lot of respect on both sides that people don’t see,” he said, before adding “This is an opportunity to use our rivalry for the benefit of those most in need.”

A Yes Scotland spokesperson echoed the words of his pro-Union rival and added: “The independence referendum has generated quite a bit of passion on both sides.  We can now channel some of that less wanted aggression in a more productive way.”

The event, which up until now has been kept secret, will be staged in the run-up to the Glasgow Commonwealth Games.  Both campaign teams will be fielding a selection of celebrities and former footballers.

Already confirmed for Better Together are singer Cliff Richard, presenter Keith Chegwin and football superstar David Beckham.  In a move that will surprise many, US singer songwriter Barry Manilow has also pledged to turn out for the pro-Union outfit.

Manilow is said to enjoy playing ‘soccer’ and will be fitting his appearance in with his scheduled UK tour which ends in Glasgow this summer.

The Better Together stars will be joined by Labour politicians Jim Murphy and Ken MacIntosh and sole Scots Tory David Mundell.

Yes Scotland is believed to have secured the services of several high profile entertainers including former Morton apprentice Martin Compston and Hollywood hunk Gerard Butler.  Former footballer star – ‘Hand of God’ Diego Maradonna is also expected to appear for the indy side.

Declining to reveal the names of politicians who would be turning out for the pro-independence team, Yes Scotland denied that First Minister Alex Salmond’s recent diet and the charity match were linked.  However in what may be an attempt at pre-match mind-games, the Yes team added that they would bring their campaign style to the park and would adopt a “more positive” approach that their opponents.

The venue for the game has yet to be determined, but organisers say they are expecting a large crowd.  “We would have held the game this month,” a spokesman said, but April’s full as far as this kind of event is concerned so we’ve gone for July.

[Of course this was an April Fool … Barry Manilow doesn’t play football.]