Twa Elizabeths


bi Bob Fairnie

Daes onybody believe awthin they read in the local or naitional newspapers thae days? But ne’er mind awthin, daes onybody believe onythin they read in the papers thae days? It’s been gaun on for a guid while noo an no juist the papers. The TV an wireless fowk is juist as bad if no waur.

The raicent Scottish Pairlament election results in Mey thare haes cawed the feet awa fae maist o the media. Howanever, insteid o tryin tae courie in wi the biggest paircel o voters tae try an haud back the warst o thair haemorrhage o readers, they yaise lees an camouflage tae convince thae Scottish voters that they’ve makit the wrang chyce. They keep on threapin that the Scottish Government haes only yin thing in its heid an that is tae breck up the UK.

Breck up the UK? Dae they no ken that the UK kythed in 1603 whan James VI, King o Scots, taen ower the throne o England on the daith o the English Queen Elizabeth tae unite the Kingdoms o Scotland an England unner the yae Monarch? It wis James hissel that pit the Scots an English flags thegither tae kythe a flag for this new United Kingdom. For aw that the Kingdoms o Scotland an England wis jyned thegither unner yae monarch, baith kintraes bid independent an each haed thair ain pairlaments. Wad it no be a richt ferlie if thae twa kintraes gaed back tae thon wey that kythed on the daith o the English Queen Elizabeth, durin the ring o oor praisent Elizabeth, Queen o Scots?

Raither nor breckin up the UK, whit maist thinkin fowk wad raither see broken up wad be the 1707 Treaty o Union (Union o Pairlaments). Nae doot maist o the media wad see this as breckin up Great Britain. It maks a body wunner tho, hou mony o thae editors, faced wi a son or a dauchter ettlin tae get mairriet an set up hoose, wad accuse thaim o ettlin tae breck up the faimly? Ay, it’s weel kent thare nane sae blinn as thaim that winnae see!

A heard tell in ma younger days o the day a Glesgie fellae taen the train throu tae Edinburgh tae dae a bit o sicht-seein. Here, whan he wis on his wey, a lion fae Corstorphine Zoo haed the same idea an broke oot o the zoo tae mak for Princes Street. Bi the time the Glesgie lad haed sclimmed the Waverley steps intae Princes Street, here he seen awbody rinnin tae get oot the wey or sclimmin up lamp-posts. He thocht naethin o’t an turnt left tae hae a leuk at the gairdens an the castle an, as he wis daunderin alang he cam face tae face wi the muckle gret lion. He poued oot his razor an efter a quick swish, swish, swish, swish, the lion lay deid on the pavement an a cheer rung oot alang the street. In nae time at aw, fowk cam doon fae the lamp-posts an rin ower the street tae clap him on the back an shake his haund.

Efter awthin quietened doon he cairried on wi his sicht-seein then got his train back tae Glesgie. As he got oot at Queen Street station an wis walkin alang the pletform an Edinburgh paper’s bill board catched his ee.

“Glesgie keelie slays defenceless lion in Princes Street!” It threapit.

Jings! E’en in thae days they war still aye at it!